You have just discovered that your partner was unfaithful. Maybe they came clean and told you. Perhaps you found out through a friend. Or maybe you noticed the signs and put the pieces together for a devastating realization.
Right now, you might feel confused, heartbroken, insecure, and angry all at once. You may wonder what you’re supposed to do next, especially now that the future you thought you had has suddenly become so uncertain.
Navigating this period can be difficult and exhausting. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you process this news and figure out your next steps.
Give Yourself Time
At the moment, you are basically in a mourning period. You might mourn the loss of trust in your relationship. Maybe you’re mourning the future you had imagined. Or maybe you’re mourning the person you thought your partner was.
You can’t try to rush these emotions. Simply give yourself time and accept whatever you are feeling. Don’t tell yourself that your emotions are “wrong,” or criticize yourself for feeling differently than you think you should. You’re in a vulnerable place, and you need to be gentle with yourself.
Ask For the Truth
Your partner may have told you they were unfaithful. But if you suspect you don’t have the full story, it’s time to ask.
Sometimes, people who are unfaithful in relationships reveal details by “trickle truthing” their partner. Rather than telling the full story all at once, they slowly reveal one piece of distressing information at a time because they worry about their partner’s reaction.
Yes, hearing the whole truth can be painful, but you need the details. This is especially true if you hope to stay committed to your partner and eventually move forward with the relationship.
Understand This Isn’t Your Fault
When you find out that your partner has been unfaithful, it can be hard not to blame yourself. You might wonder if there is something wrong with you. Your self-confidence might be shaken.
Perhaps you’re replaying the timeline of your relationship in your mind, trying to figure out when you should have done something differently. But your partner’s actions are not your fault. They must take responsibility for their own choices.
Evaluate Your Options
You might not know what you want to do next. Maybe part of you wants to stay with your partner and work things out, while the other wants to end things. This is a good time to evaluate your options and consider a few courses of action that you could take.
For instance, you could think about going to couples therapy, staying with a friend or relative for a while before deciding, or ending the relationship entirely. You don’t have to commit to one choice right now; just take some time to reflect.
Practice Self-Care
Above all, it’s important to take care of yourself right now. Yes, listening to your partner and communicating openly is important, but there’s a good chance that this is emotionally exhausting for you. Alternatively, you might feel the urge to get revenge on your partner. But this will not bring you true fulfillment or satisfaction.
Instead, channel your energy into self-care. Eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and spending time with your friends can all lift your mood.
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Are you and your partner struggling in the aftermath of infidelity? Marriage counseling can help you during this difficult time. Contact me today to schedule a consultation.