The holiday season of 2021 has arrived! Many people are now feeling disoriented. COVID-19 continues to persist, the economic environment is uncertain and some of us have not gathered with our families and friends for a long time. Although the holiday season has been called “the most wonderful time of the year”, sadly many individuals and couples struggle. Meeting with in-laws or extended family can cause stress and anxiety. Finding gifts for people can be stressful with supply chain issues or stretching yourself financially to buy those gifts can be worrisome. Some of us have bad memories from childhood of the holidays that make this time of year very unpleasant.
Deciding who to spend the holidays with
There may be tension around who to spend the holidays with. One partner may feel that due to COVID-19, gathering should be kept to a minimum. On the other hand, another partner may feel that with widespread vaccine availability this should be a holiday just like pre-covid days. What’s most important is that you both listen to each other and come to a solution that works for both of you as a couple. Some couples decide to spend Thanksgiving with one side of the family and Christmas with another. If one partner enjoys larger gatherings while the other partner enjoys smaller gatherings, thanksgiving and Christmas allow having both. If one partner feels like they want something different than the other, maybe it makes sense for the couple to be separate for the day. If there is open and honest communication calmly and respectfully, hopefully, you can come to a mutually beneficial arrangement. Also, keep in mind that traveling by air is predicted to be very stressful due to the large crowds and shortage of workers, so if you are traveling try to remain patient and calm throughout your journey. With gas prices at multiyear highs, the cost of car travel can be stressful in addition to the heavy traffic.
Deciding what to do about gifts
Often couples fight over gift-giving. This can look very different for each couple. One partner may want to spend more than the other partner is comfortable with. One parent may want to buy more gifts for their child while the other may think that they are spoiling the child or spending beyond their means. Discussing your point of view is important. If your finances are kept separately or merged may play a part in the decision as to how you spend on gifts. Additionally, it’s important to think about what will you do for each other in terms of gifts? Some partners like to be surprised while others find surprises to be nerve-wracking and a surprise gift to be off the mark. Others think differently that the thought or the gesture is most important. There may also be pressure if this is your first holiday season to buy a very nice and expensive gift for your significant other. If that’s the case, be prepared that your partner may not be one hundred percent on board with the gift. Hopefully, they will be pleasantly surprised, but they may also feel upset that their gift was in a different category, and they may be feeling less thoughtful or inferior for not buying you such a nice gift in return. Continue to communicate around all these issues and realize that if something didn’t feel right or go as planned, it is an opportunity to talk and learn more about your partner's ideas and values.
As we enter the holiday season of 2021, couples may be feeling stressed. To make the holiday season better it can be helpful to discuss who you are spending your time with and what you are doing about gifts. Of course, there are plenty of other issues that may be occurring between you and your partner that may be related to the holiday season or something else entirely. If you are struggling as a couple, marriage counseling can help. Contact me today for a free consultation.