Whether you’ve been together for 3 months, 3 years, or 3 decades, there is no “wrong time” to make an effort in your romantic partnership. You may be eager to co-create the best relationship you can with your loved one. You may feel you are at an impasse, and things are a little tired, less exciting, or “same old, same old.” Or you may be struggling and need professional counseling—but no matter what, there are everyday things you can do in your relationship that can make a big difference.
Plan a date night
Plan that date night you keep talking about. Many of my clients admit that they discuss the possibility of regular date nights. They admit that they love the idea. But they never actually get around to putting something on the calendar. The concept is to have a special night (or morning or afternoon) that is set aside regularly for just the two of you. If you look back on your socializing and realize it is always around invitations, other people, parties for adults or kids, and never just the two of you, together, focused on one another—it’s time to make a plan. Research shows that when couples regularly make time to nourish their relationship—and one another—it makes a difference in levels of satisfaction, longevity, and intimacy in the relationship.
Make regular touchpoints a priority
We are all so busy. Work schedules, kids’ schedules, and all the “things to do” that spin around in our minds can consume us. It’s easy to let a day go by without reaching out to your significant other with a text or phone call to say, “I’m thinking of you.” Multiple distracting messages all day long is not a good idea, but something simple and sweet can go a long way. Similarly, when you are puttering around the house on a weekend or in the evening, make time to connect. Even if you are deep in billpaying, meal preparation, or kid-shuttling, make it a point to find your partner for a hug, high five, or nuzzle to communicate “I see you/I love you.”
Go for a walk together
This is not a substitute for date night, but it’s a great way to make space in the day for one another. If you can make it work, plan something before work (yes, wake up earlier!), after work, or in the evening. A stroll around the neighborhood or down the road, holding hands and chatting or just being quiet together. These daily moments of shared intimacy will accumulate and pay dividends over time. Exercise is also good for your mental and physical health which is an extra bonus!
Apologize. With sincerity and love.
When you have done something to hurt or upset your partner, forget something important like a birthday or unimportant like filling the car up with gas… When you have snapped at them, not called when you’re going to be late, or otherwise transgressed—don’t make excuses, don’t ignore it hoping it will be forgotten. Warm and sincere is the way to go. No need to elaborate, draw it out, or make a speech. But be specific. What are you sorry for? That part matters. Apologies go a long way towards keeping resentment and upset away and making your loved one feel seen, understood, and loved. And they’re so simple!
Even when you are a very mindful partner and you and your significant other understand the importance of the little things as well as the big things like trust, fidelity, and kindness—sometimes it’s a good idea to get marriage counseling. Contact me today for a free consultation.