Many times, I work with couples who have been together for many years. A common theme I come across is that the relationship has become stale or unexciting and the couple feels disconnected. Another issue is that talk is always around serious subjects such as money, careers, family drama, or bad news about others. When this occurs, talking about positive things can be very helpful to bring back feelings of warmth and appreciation into the relationship. There are certain topics that you both can discuss that can shift the mood from stress and anxiety into respect, connection, and attraction. Check out this list below for some ideas.
Discuss how you first met
There is always something that sparks a connection between two people who decide to form a long-lasting relationship. It could be physical attraction, a stimulating discussion, someone’s personality traits such as kindness or friendliness. Sit down with your partner and ask your partner what attracted you to them many years ago. Then, answer in kind with your response. Hopefully, this will get both of you to relax, smile, and remember a happier time. You can also discuss things that were a first for you as a couple. This could include your first dinner date, first night out on the town, or your first vacation. Try your best to remember as many details as possible. The lengthier the discussion, the more likely to rekindle good feelings and goodwill towards each other. If you have been very dissatisfied in the relationship, hopefully remembering the beginning will contribute to feeling better about the foundation of the relationship.
Discuss your worldview and your hopes and dreams for the future
Talking about the larger issues in the future may help you to realize how wonderful it is to be with your partner. You can talk about philosophical questions such as “what is the meaning of life” or “when all is said and done, how do I want to be remembered.” Listen closely to your partner's response and answer in kind. Hopefully asking these questions will enhance your respect for the values of your partner. Some couples may not feel comfortable discussing these things which are ok. If that is the case think of other questions that may feel more comfortable. Talking about the future can often be helpful. For example, if you are approaching retirement age or retirement is on your mind, discuss things you would like to do as a couple once you retire. This could include traveling the world, moving to a new climate, or spending quality time with family and friends. Talking about these things positively will hopefully signal a prospective timeline of when you two can be enjoying aspects of life. Of course, doing these activities does not have to wait until retirement. Maybe it would be helpful to plan a weekend trip or a fancy dinner date. This will vary for each couple but notice it is an effort to inject positivity and fun into the relationship while also confirming your admiration and respect for your partner.
When you have been in a relationship for a long time, things can become dull between two people. When this occurs, it can be helpful to discuss topics that will bring the two of you closer connection. If this is occurring in your relationship try talking about how you first met, your first few dates and experiences together, your worldview, and your hopes and dreams for the future. If you are still struggling with rekindling a connection in your relationship, marriage counseling can help. Contact me today to get started.