Couples counseling can be helpful in a myriad of ways. Many different issues and concerns can be addressed and resolved in couples counseling. Sometimes couples are unsure of whether couples counseling is a good idea for them. Remember that couples counseling is your time to meet with a professional who is an unbiased third party, adhering to ethical code and confidentiality, and who has been trained in various counseling methods and sometimes methods that specialize in working with couples. I have been asked before what topics are discussed in couples counseling. The following are topics that are frequently discussed although by no means is this an exhaustive list.
Communication skills
Communication in a relationship can be challenging. We have not been given a handbook on best practices in communication or effective communication. A lot of times I work with couples that have a breakdown in communication. Communication styles can vary by culture or family of origin along with personality style. Often, when stressed, depressed or angry people do not communicate at their best. When you spend so much time with your partner going through the daily stresses of life in addition to periods of intense stress you can get short with each other or lash out in anger. A couples counselor can watch the communication dynamic between the two of you and offer tips and suggestions that will hopefully help you have more constructive communication in the future. You will also have a deeper understanding of what is transpiring during your communication that may be leading to conflict.
Finances
Finances are towards the top of the list as to what couples have conflict over. There are many different reasons why this is the case. For one, couples may disagree on spending habits. One person in the couple may believe in saving more for the future and the other may want to live nicer in the present and be ok with spending more. Some people like to splurge on clothing, cars, or vacations while the other person in the relationship may get angry thinking certain things are a waste of money. Often the way our family looked at money growing up affects us as adults. Sometimes things can get complicated if one person makes a lot more money than the other person in the relationship. The intersection of psychology and money is complex. A couple's counselor can help each person discuss their feelings about money and the couple can come up with a plan to approach finances in a healthy way that both parties can be comfortable with.
Infidelity
It is important to note that infidelity can mean different things to each person in a relationship and that there can be both emotional infidelity as well as an affair. When infidelity occurs in a relationship there is usually a tremendous amount of pain that follows. A couples counselor can be trained in how to help couples cope with infidelity. This can include discussing what happened, the reasons for the infidelity, the feelings associated with the infidelity, and the path that you want to take going forward. This is a way of concisely talking about a process that is complex and painful. However, a couples counselor can help couples try to make their relationship stronger after processing the incident or decide that the couple would prefer to separate. Having clarity about the infidelity incident can be helpful regardless of whether the couple stays together or separates.
People seek couples counseling for many reasons. At the end of the day, couples counseling can help improve your relationship by giving you a safe space to discuss hardships in the relationship and figure out constructive ways to improve things going forward. Some people come to couples counseling to discuss improving communication skills, finances, and infidelities. Other couples come to couples counseling for many other reasons as well as multiple reasons. If you think it would be helpful, give marriage counseling a try. Contact me today for more information.