Finances often cause conflict in relationships. Research has shown that the number one thing that couples fight about is money. Although this topic is sensitive and can lead to disagreements there are things you can do to address this topic constructively. Ideas about money can be rooted in beliefs from childhood and how your family of origin viewed financial matters. When partners have differing thoughts about the value of money and if there is a large discrepancy in salaries or assets among partners. These three tips can help create a path forward to deal with finances as a couple.
Understand your partner's point of view
Some people believe in saving a lot for future needs such as retirement or an emergency. Others believe in spending more to enjoy today and worry less about future contingencies. Whatever you believe it is important to agree as a partnership. It is helpful to talk openly about what you believe and what it is important to you regarding finances. Figure out ways that you can both achieve your financial goals, keeping in mind that compromise may be needed. If you have children, you may differ as to how much financial support to provide to your children and how long you want to continue to provide that support after the child has grown up. Continue to rely on open and honest communication to agree.
Decide whether you want to merge finances completely, partially merge finances, or keep everything separate
Some couples have the attitude that they are financially tied together and whatever one person possesses also belongs to their partner. Others decide to keep their finances completely separate from one another. Whether you live together, have children with your partner, or someone else and the amount of income you make can influence this decision. Some couples decide to keep separate accounts but then have a joint account to pay for common expenses such as housing and utilities. This can be advantageous if saving is very important to one partner but not as important to another partner. If you have a joint account it is crucial that you discuss what can be paid from that account and what is off-limits or should be paid for by the individual account. If your relationship is just beginning it may make sense to keep finances separate for the time being until there is more of a commitment. Any of these approaches are fine as long as there are boundaries and an understanding by each person in the relationship.
Get professional help
Sometimes it is best to seek professional help when dealing with financial matters. Financial planners or advisors can help with issues such as saving for college, purchasing a home, investing, planning for retirement, or managing receiving an inheritance. It is important to extensively research an advisor or planner before selecting one to make sure they are working solely. in your best interest. An attorney can help with things such as estate planning or creating wills or trusts. Although the topic of financial matters after death can be difficult to think about, it is important to discuss this with your partner and have everything written out to avoid problems in the future. It can also be helpful to read books on financial topics. Unfortunately, these topics are not usually taught to people in school so starting with a book on introduction to personal finance can be helpful.
Finances cause conflict in most relationships. Understanding your partner's point of view, making decisions on the degree of merging finances, and seeking professional help are places to start when trying to resolve financial issues. Getting marriage counseling can also be helpful. Couples counseling can help couples navigate all types of conflict including financial concerns. Contact me today for a free consultation.