Seeking therapy is never a bad decision. Every human can benefit from a healing modality in which a compassionate and professional practitioner gives undivided attention, uses experience and education to provide support and help, and whose job description is your wellbeing. If you are conflicted, unhappy, in crisis, in transition, struggling with mental health symptoms, or just feeling out of sorts and at sea, looking into therapy is a positive move. But what if it’s not just you who is struggling, but you and your romantic partner—and the relationship is at risk? How do you know which is better—individual therapy or couples counseling?
What the Data Says
What studies have found is that when one member of the couple has already decided that divorce or break-up is the only way, individual therapy can help that person work through the issues that apply to the decision, affirm choices, and examine options. Also, if one partner refuses to participate in couples counseling, the remaining partner is better served by individual therapy than no therapy at all. However, if both members of the couple are invested in making the relationship work, there is a greater success, as measured by an intact marriage, with couples therapy.
Interpersonal Processes affecting the relationship
A single professional interacting in concert with both parties will more readily recognize and grasp the interpersonal processes that unfold between them. Every relationship is a two-way street. Each partner is responsible for what happens on their side of the street. A therapist in couples counseling will be able to see and address when each member of the couple is avoiding issues, acting out, making assumptions, repeating unhealthy patterns, and more.
Communication difficulties within the relationship
To help a couple communicate effectively involves a first-hand understanding of how they interact within a relationship that is not functioning at its best. When a single professional observes a couple interacting with one another, the pitfalls and patterns that impede healthy communication are evident. When one person is seeing a therapist alone, all information about how the other partner communicates comes from anecdotal, second-hand information. In working with a couple, the therapist can discuss what he or she sees as well as have the couple work on strategies in real-time, gradually learning to communicate (which includes listening skills) in more constructive ways.
When one partner’s past is significantly affecting the relationship
Working through individual issues, past trauma, personal challenges, etc. is part of couples therapy. When you witness the vulnerability of your partner as issues arise, there is a unique opportunity to feel and express compassion and empathy. Working together and communicating when one of you is in pain or trying to process can bring you closer. Even when those traumas or painful memories were experienced within the marriage, when a partner can hear and see, recognize and empathize, forgiveness and contrition are more likely. The result is a deeper understanding of self and others, which can only benefit the wellbeing of the partnership. Individual therapy is still very helpful for the person experiencing significant trauma and challenges, but couples counseling can help address how such issues directly affect the relationship and how your partner can be helpful in your healing.
Improving emotional expression in the context of the relationship
In couples therapy, the risk of avoidance, denial, and emotional isolation is greatly decreased. One or both partners may be afraid to open up, reluctant to admit they have hurt or been hurt, fearful of their own anger or that of their partner, or any number of situations that can and often do impede progress. In treatment with a skilled therapist, it is possible to find a balance between two partners whose abilities to be vulnerable and speak openly are unevenly matched. For couples used to one person dominating conversations, hiding behind a mask of “everything is okay,” or otherwise avoiding the problems in the relationship, couples work is much more likely to end in equilibrium between both parties.
Reach Out for an Appointment Today
The above is just a partial list. There are numerous benefits of marriage counseling. If you want to learn more about how I can help you find balance, empathy, and joy in your relationship, Contact me today. to schedule an appointment.