Congratulations! You’re getting married!
Marriage is a wonderful way to show your commitment to one another. During this time it’s easy to get swept away with all the preparations needed for the wedding ceremony.
However, this is also a good time for couples to sit down together and talk about things. We are way beyond the typical questions you ask one another on a first date.
These are the questions that you are considering before you make a life with each other. If you’re stuck on what to ask, consider these questions to talk about before you get married.
Your Thoughts on Money
Talking about money and financial issues sounds like the least romantic topic in the world. Yet, it’s also one of the most important. Why? Because so much of your life moving forward will be connected to money. For example:
Your jobs and careers.
How you each spend money.
What your thoughts are on investing.
Your beliefs on saving and how to report taxable income.
One important consideration will be if each of you will maintain separate bank accounts, merge your accounts into one, or have a combination of the two. There’s no right answer, just that it’s important both of you agree on what’s best for your relationship.
What to Do with Your Stuff
Couples are marrying later in life. According to the U.S. Census, the average age for marrying for women is 28 years old, and for men 30. That means each of you has had more of an opportunity to gain possessions and even property.
Before you tie the knot, it’s a good idea to talk about what to do with your stuff and how to merge your households. Some things to consider include:
What will you do with bedding, housewares, kitchen items, etc.?
Are there things that make sense to donate (such as t-shirts from college).
If one of you owns a home, will you move into that one or decide to move into a new one? Or did you already buy a home together?
How to Handle Children
Another issue that’s important to agree about is how to raise children. Actually, before even discussing that, what about whether you want to have kids at all!
Many couples these days are choosing not to have children. Or, they may decide to delay children because they want to advance their careers or accomplish other things first. Clearly, the kid-talk is an important conversation that you both need to have with each other before getting married.
Identifying Your Priorities
Before marriage talk about the things that you each prioritize in life and want to prioritize moving forward. Certainly, children can fall into this conversation. But there are other things, too. For example:
How much money each of you wants to make.
Certain career ambitions.
Where you would want to retire.
What things are important to each of you, and which are not.
If there is a difference between your priorities, it’s important that you both continue the discussion. Is there room to compromise? Are there issues that are considered a “no-go” for each of you?
Why Do You Want to Get Married?
Finally, have you ever discussed why you want to get married in the first place? Saying “I love you,” doesn’t count! Although love is important, there is more to a successful marriage than love. Friendship, for instance. Do you consider your partner your best friend and someone you trust? What are things you have in common? How do you “click?”
Getting married is not just a celebration of your love for one another. It represents a commitment that you want to last for a lifetime. To prepare yourselves for that journey, it’s helpful to talk to one another about how this will work.
Use these questions to start. However, it’s a good idea to see a counselor too. Even if you are not going through a rough patch, therapy is a good place to discuss these issuesContact me today to learn more about marriage counseling