Some people are unsure what is discussed in couples counseling. There are TV shows that simulate couples’ sessions and you may wonder how accurate some of those shows are. From being an experienced couple’s counselor, I can tell you that topics that are discussed can vary from couple to couple and I strongly believe in understanding the dynamic between the couple and how to make the relationship work best for both people. Sometimes that can be the realization that one or both people want to end the relationship but often there are many ways that the relationship can be improved. With all, here are three topics that are discussed often.
Improving communication
In relationships, communication patterns have developed over time. Often, couples do not think these patterns can be improved. In reality, understanding how you communicate and how that affects your partner can be very helpful. Sometimes small tweaks to your communication can improve your relationship drastically. I review aspects of communication with couples I work with to both identify problematic habits and create ways to communicate that will help the relationship. One thing that is particularly helpful during conflict is to take a time out when one partner is feeling emotionally flooded which could be the result of yelling or name-calling. This is because once someone’s emotional arousal is heightened they are not able to have a discussion that is fruitful so the simple step of tabling the conversation until both parties can calm down is necessary and helpful. Another aspect of communication that can sometimes be improved upon is active listening. One partner may not be fully listening to their partner because they are distracted by their issues or simply because they are focused on other things such as being on their phone. Once this is identified it can be addressed and worked on.
Discussing sensitive issues
Some issues I define as sensitive can include sex, money, and/or relationships with family. With all these topics having a neutral, unbiased trained professional can help come to a resolution on these matters. Resolving these manners in a way that is optimal for both partners is the goal. Sometimes just sitting down and listening to your partner's point of view in a calm manner can be helpful. Often there is some negotiation that can be agreed upon that works for both people. As can be expected, the solution varies from couple to couple but some specific strategies can be used to address sexual drive discrepancy. Sometimes with family conflict, a solution may be for one person to stay back at family functions because they are more introverted than their partner. Remember each member of the couple comes from a different nuclear family environment and that can affect how close they are to their immediate family as well as their viewpoint on finances amongst other examples. As difficult as these issues may be, I have worked with many couples to make things better.
People come to couples counseling for varied reasons. Your relationship is your unique dyad and deserves attention to whatever works best for you and your partner. All relationships have their challenges regardless of what you may see in television shows and movies! A lot of times people are skeptical that couples counseling can help. From my experience, many of my clients have found couples counseling to be beneficial. Improving communication and discussing sensitive issues often occur in counseling. If you are interested in learning more about marriage counseling and how it can help you, please contact me for a free 15-minute consultation.