Billions of people use social media, but it is one of the most often-sited causes of difficulties in relationships. It doesn’t have to be a negative influence if it is used appropriately. But for many people, the presence of Facebook, Instagram, and other platforms can be a source of trouble. It is therefore helpful to understand some of the potential pitfalls of these platforms, and to learn some of the possible steps you can take to avoid them.
Social Media Can Create Unrealistic Expectations
When you see pictures of people’s perfect relationships online, suddenly yours can seem inferior. And even if you objectively know that your friends’ relationships aren’t always wonderful, it can be difficult to remember this while staring at carefully curated photographs of date nights and grand gestures of love. Eventually, this envy can turn into resentment of your partner. They don’t seem to be carrying their weight, and it becomes harder to appreciate them because you may feel like you’re being neglected, or they don’t love you enough.
This becomes even more toxic because it can lead to you participating in the problem. You fight off feelings of inadequacy by posting your own carefully crafted pictures of your relationship, thus making someone else jealous - possibly the people you envied in the first place.
How to Fortify Your Relationship In Real Life
To fight this cycle of envy, first remember that people’s social media is not their real life. If you have trouble with this, leave a note on your monitor if you have to. Make an effort to spend time with other couples offline, not to hunt for the problems in their relationship but to remind yourself how things look before the Instagram photos. If feelings of neglect persist, remember to talk to your partner about them face to face. It’s possible they really aren’t participating as much as you need them to, and it’s important for you to have a conversation about both of your needs.
Social Media Can cause trust issues
Facebook, Instagram, and other platforms are places where communication often happens without partners being present. For many, this can create insecurity and lack of trust, which can then lead to control issues. This is particularly problematic if there are already trust problems in the relationship. If you are too private about your social media activities, or don’t maintain appropriate boundaries, you may make your partner uncomfortable. On the flip-side, if you suspect something is going on in your partner’s online life, you might start snooping through their profiles to find proof or try to control their social media interactions. This often creates even more resentment, and almost never provides real information. Both scenarios create division in relationships and can exacerbate existing problems.
How To Maintain Trust Online
To avoid these problems, talk to your partner about what you do on social media, and they should do the same. This isn’t to monitor each other, but to maintain an open dialogue about your activities so you can address any potential issues together. If one of you is engaging in an activity that makes the other uncomfortable, it’s important that you talk about it in a constructive way. Boundaries need to be clear and consistent. It’s not healthy to demand complete online privacy between you and your partner, but it’s just as unhealthy to constantly monitor each other to ensure there is no wrong-doing. Use your social platforms as a way to build trust with each other, and remember to keep talking regularly about your online lives.
Social Media Can Distract You
Using social media too often can take your attention away from your partner and make them feel ignored. It’s easy to become more focused on posting about your relationship than building the relationship itself, and some people just have a hard time spending any time with their partner without a phone in their hand. If you are on social media much more than your partner they may begin to feel under-valued. And if you are both on social media too much it can lead to a lack of connection, especially if you don’t run in a lot of the same online circles.
How To strengthen Your Connection
Make sure that you are spending some time together completely disconnected from screens. If you both enjoy being online, you don’t have to do this all the time, but do intentionally take time to just be with each other. Take a walk, go to dinner, or find a concert you both enjoy and just be in the moment. Show your partner that you love them, and not just through your Instagram story.
If you both like being online, you can also use that to connect. If there are activities you both enjoy, you can join groups together, or send each other fun memes. You can even start projects together, like blogs or Instagram accounts, to help foster connection through an online hobby.
If social media has created difficulties for you and your partner, Marriage counseling can help you rebuild communication and trust, so your relationship can thrive. Contact me today for a free consultation.