Despite what we may want our friends and family to think, everyone fights with their romantic partner. Yes, even the perfect couples. Every couple deals with disagreements at some point or another, and fighting is simply a type of conflict resolution.
But how often is too often when it comes to a spat with your partner? In order to give you a better idea of where you and your partner stand when it comes to fighting, we are here to help. Keep reading to learn more about fighting as a healthy couple.
Fighting Can Be Healthy
The imagery that comes up in our brains when we hear “fight” is not pleasant and, in fact, may be violent. Due to this negative connotation, some couples try to avoid fighting and disagreeing as much as possible. However, if you and your partner truly seek to learn and grow from one another, a fight does not need to be bad.
There are plenty of healthy, passionate couples that have disputes as many times as once a day. Some couples simply view a fight as a way to get something off their chest, no matter how small it is. Despite this, I would advise against calculating how often other couples fight and look at your own relationship.
If you and your partner rarely fight, but you often find yourself feeling disgruntled, you both are likely conflict-avoidant people. This means that while you ignore things at the moment that seem small, they pile up, and after time you will have a big, blow-up fight.
How To Fight Right
Many people do not know how to argue effectively. There are a few rules you should keep in mind when trying to settle a disagreement. To teach you a few helpful hints, I detailed a few things to consider the next time you are fighting with your partner.
Communication Is Key
As you may have realized, your communication skills are the number one thing to keep in mind when you are arguing with your partner. You cannot read your partner’s mind, just as they cannot read yours. The only way you can be heard is if you speak your feelings. You should also make sure you are never saying something you don’t mean while fighting. Even in the heat of an argument, be careful not to use cruelty against someone you love.
Additionally, make sure your body language matches up with what your words are saying. Your nonverbal communication is just as important. If you are fidgeting and not making eye contact, it will be obvious to your partner that you are not truly listening to what they have to say.
Identify The Real Problem And Tackle It
Generally, fighting about something that seems mundane is likely an indicator of a larger issue. For example, fighting with your partner about not putting away the dishes might indicate that you feel as if you do all of the household chores and they do not pull their weight. Once you have gotten to the root of the issue, you and your partner can begin to work together to solve it.
At the end of the day, listen to your gut. If you feel you and your partner are fighting too often, you may need assistance. Marriage counseling is a great way to help you and your partner work on conflict resolution skills and address the root cause of a fight.
I am always happy to help. Contact me today for assistance. I look forward to starting down the path to a healthier relationship with you and your partner!