Every relationship has road bumps. Regardless of how long you have been together or how deeply you are in love, there will be problems that need to be discussed. Ironing out the kinks in your relationship is the best way to make it stronger. But how do you tackle talking to your partner about your relationship? Here are five steps you can take to discuss your relationship and, hopefully, strengthen it as the communication lines begin to open.
1. Only Discuss One Thing at a Time
You and your partner may have a full plate of things to discuss. Rather than getting overwhelmed with several topics at once, you can efficiently tackle one issue. Try to get very specific with what you want to talk about as well. For example, if you feel like you and your partner are not spending enough quality time together, and you are not feeling heard by them, try to discuss these on two separate occasions. This gives the added benefit that you can come up with curated solutions for each problem.
2. Explain How You Feel
When talking to your partner about your relationship, it is very important to emphasize how you feel. Your feelings should help your partner to understand where you are coming from. By really explaining that you feel hurt or angry by their actions (or lack thereof), they can empathize with you, and hopefully, they will make more of an effort. When communicating your feelings, use “I” statements. Saying, “I feel angry when you treat me this way,” is much more effective than, “You make me angry when you treat me this way.” It reclaims your emotions and will keep your partner from becoming defensive.
3. Focus on Listening
When having a serious conversation, especially with a partner, being an active listener is just as important as speaking your piece. Make sure your body language aligns with the message you want to be sending your partner. Maintain eye contact, do not fidget, and use affirming gestures, like nodding. Additionally, be sure to ask questions. If you do not understand the point your partner is trying to make, ask them to clarify. However, be sure that it comes from a place of love so that your partner does not become defensive.
4. Come up With a Solution or Compromise Together
Every relationship should have an aspect of compromise. Sometimes, you are not completely happy with the outcome, but you also should not be disappointed in the solution you find together. Both you and your partner should be able to find something that works for you both. Working as a team to find common ground to satisfy you both should feel rewarding and ultimately make you both happier in the long run.
5. Reevaluate Your Solution
Once you devise a plan to eliminate the issue, you should revisit the solution. Nothing is ever truly a “one and done” solution, and reevaluating can help you to tweak the fix to fit your needs. If it did not work the way you wanted it to, do not worry! The beautiful thing about being in a healthy relationship is that the two of you can work together until you find a compromise that works for you both.
Despite all of the above, talking about your relationship may still be difficult for you and your partner. Marriage counseling is a great way to help you continue growing with a professional’s help. There is no shame in asking for extra help from an outside mediator. I am always available to help. Contact me today to schedule an appointment.