If you recently got engaged, congratulations! As you are about to embark on what will hopefully be a long and happy marriage it is important to discuss some things with your partner. The following three topics are important and arise frequently between couples. Discussing it before marriage can help ensure that your marriage is off to a smooth start.
Money
Money is on the top of the list of what couples fight about. It is important to think about and discuss how you will handle finances as a couple. Some couples decide to completely merge their finances, some decide to keep their finances separate and some couples go for a hybrid approach of the two. In terms of a hybrid approach, some couples decide to have their separate accounts but also have a joint checking account that they use to pay common bills from such as the mortgage or rent, utilities, and food. Some couples decide to put a proportion of their paycheck into that account as well. On the other hand, some couples feel that part of a marriage is merging their finances. If you take this approach it is important not to be resentful if one partner spends on something that the other partner disagrees with. Things can get complicated if finances are merged and one partner makes a lot more money than the other. Like most aspects of a relationship, open communication, compromise, and coming to a clear understanding is very important with finances.
Children
A discussion of having children is imperative before a marriage. If one partner knows they want to have children and the other is unsure problems can arise down the road. The earlier and more detailed this discussion is will make for a better outcome. If the agreement is to have children try to decide on an idea of how many you want and when in life you want them. For example, you may decide that you want to wait several years to allow time to travel and save up some money. If you and your partner agree on this that would be ideal. Also, discuss whether you want to adopt or not. Make sure that this has been discussed to each partner's satisfaction. Finally, have a discussion about pets as well. They are an important part of the family!
Defining infidelity
The definition of infidelity can be different for each individual and each couple. Additionally, couples should decide if they want to be monogamous or have an open relationship. If the choice is monogamy, it is important to define what infidelity looks like. For example, is cheating just defined as sexual activity that takes place outside the marriage? Is going on an app for fun and speaking to a stranger in a suggestive way considered cheating? What about liking someone's photo on social media or making a comment on that photo? What about actions that can be perceived as flirting either online or in-person with a co-worker or stranger? As you can see, the definition of infidelity can be nuanced and vary by each couple. It is important to have this discussion at the forefront to avoid problems later on. Keep in mind that your opinion on infidelity can vary greatly from your partner which makes this discussion critical.
Getting married is a major life milestone. Certain conversations which can be difficult to discuss are critical before embarking on marriage. To get things off to a good start it is important to discuss money, children, and the definition of infidelity. Agreeing on these issues will help prevent problems later on. If you need assistance talking about these issues marriage counseling can help. Contact me today for assistance.