There are many stages of transition that occur in a marriage.
Some of these are obvious. For instance, welcoming a child into the world is a pretty obvious transition time for both of you! However, others are less obvious.
All can be very stressful for couples. Each situation is unique, and how both of you manage stress and work together to solve problems. Because these moments present their own set of challenges, it helps to have an outside perspective.
That’s where counseling can help.
Counseling is a place where both of you can actively work towards solutions with the help of a therapist trained in marriage counseling. Here are some common marital transitions to watch out for.
Getting Married!
The first transition for any couple is getting married in the first place! Marriages come in all shapes and sizes. Some couples prefer a big blow-out wedding with many guests, an intricate ceremony, and a fancy dinner. Others just decide to make an appointment with a judge, go to the courthouse, and sign the wedding license. What matters is the following:
That both of you want to get married and commit to being in a relationship together.
You both agree with how you wish to get married.
If there are differences in perspective surrounding these issues, then counseling can help sort them out. Also, counseling can be useful in resolving differences with the logistics of a wedding ceremony (one partner is doing more than the other, etc.).
Combining Households
Another transition point is the practical matter of combining your lives into one household. You and your partner may have already reached this transition point already. Many couples already live together before getting married.
So, you may have already have had discussions about what you will keep for the household, what to give away, etc. However, with marriage, this step goes to a whole new level. For instance, you may have been cohabitating with your partner for some time before marriage. But you still had some things separate, especially finances.
What will you do now? Will you still have separate accounts, but share others? These are important questions to answer as you move forward together as a couple.
Deciding Where to Live
Since many couples are already living together, they may have this step initially answered for themselves. For instance, you were already living in an apartment together or renting a house. Couples even buy houses before getting married.
But this step doesn’t happen just once. Couples throughout marriage will encounter times when they must decide where to live. For example:
Choosing whether to live in an apartment, townhouse, or single-family home.
Deciding to “upgrade” or “contract” as you welcome children into your home, or when they leave and you become “empty-nesters.”
Whether to move to a new city, especially for work.
These issues are complicated, so having someone to provide a structured setting to discuss them through therapy can be helpful.
Kids!
Let’s face it, the biggest transition you’re going to face as a couple is children. For instance:
Deciding whether you want to have children.
How will they be raised? Values, ethics, important characteristics to pass on.
Dividing tasks equitably.
What will you do when your children grow up and live on their own?
Raising children together can be so rewarding. But it’s also challenging and stressful!
How to Spend Your Golden Years
Finally, how will you both spend your retirement years together? For instance:
How long does each of you plan to work?
Volunteering in the community?
Pursuing your hobbies?
Traveling around the world?
Helping your adult children with the grandkids?
Even if you have been together for many years, or even decades, there can be conflict surrounding these questions. That’s why it helps to take part in couples’ counseling.
As you can see, there are several transition periods in the course of a marriage. By knowing these moments are coming, you and your partner will be able to more effectively plan for them. And, when they occur, navigate these moments more smoothly. However, it’s useful to have professional help on your side. Find out today how marriage counseling will help. Contact me today for a free consultation.