First dates can feel very superficial. Both of you are doing your best to impress each other, and it can be uncomfortable. You may not want to talk about all your feelings right away, and your partner might not be comfortable sharing yet either. But it’s important to learn about each other relatively early in the relationship, so that you both know whether it’s worth investing more time and emotional energy in developing it.If you want to break through that early awkwardness and learn some real things about each other, here are some ideas. Skip the movie date, and try some less conventional ways to help you and your partner learn about each other. You’ll be surprised what you can figure out without sitting down and playing 20 questions over bad Italian food.
Have A Game Night
If either of you like games, this can be an excellent way to start things off. It’s more interactive than a movie and requires less concentrated conversation than dinner. You can find out what sorts of games the other person likes and see what you have in common. Along with being fun and active, playing games also lets you learn some of your partner’s habits. You can learn if they’re really competitive, if they’re a gracious loser, and how their mind works under pressure. This is useful information that you might take more time to learn under other circumstances.
Spend Time with Their Friends
You might not be ready to meet the family yet, but spending an afternoon with your partner’s friends is a great way to learn more about them. You can find out what sorts of people they like to spend time with, and how they interact with them.It’s also a really great opportunity to get the friends to tell you stories about your partner. They may not be as embarrassing as baby stories, or they might be even better.
Pick An Entirely New Activity
Similar to the game night, choosing an activity to do together that’s totally new to both of you can be a good way to break the ice. It puts you on equal footing and could grow into a hobby you continue to do together. You could go axe throwing, or take a weaving class, or find a cool museum in town. There’s definitely something to be said for picking an activity or place that one or both of you is already comfortable with, but exploring something completely new is a great way to shake things up if you’re worried about what you will talk about. You also get to see how you both behave in unfamiliar territory. That’s good information to have, especially since the two of you will be navigating a lot of new things together as your relationship grows.
Commit To A Full Day
It’s tempting to make the first few dates short, so that it’s not too exhausting or overwhelming. But especially if you really feel like things are starting to develop, try planning something a little more long-term. Instead of lunch or a movie, pick a day-trip destination. This idea can be more of a marathon, and is perhaps not good for a first date, but spending a whole day together will let you see how you and your partner’s rhythms sync up. You’ll have time to talk in the car, or listen to music, and then you’ll have a new activity to explore together when you arrive. It’s a good sign if you can spend this much time together, and you’ll have time for fun light chatting as well as deeper conversations.
The activities you try during the early stages of a relationship can teach you a lot about your partner. If you skip the clichés, you can learn not just about what they like or don’t like, but how they behave, how they think, and whether the two of you can spend time together outside of a high-pressure dating situation. And this way, even if it doesn’t work out you’ll still have great memories to take with you afterwards.
Once you’ve moved further into the relationship, you can also try marriage counseling to help you build an even deeper connection. Therapy’s not just for relationships in trouble; it can help all couples grow and deepen their intimacy with each other. So it’s a good idea to reach out as you and your partner grow together. Contact me today for a free consultation.