They say that “timing is everything.” It’s a true statement that applies to so many situations in life. When to switch careers, buy a home, invest in the stock market, etc.
And it also applies to marriages.
Of course, there’s popping the question for your engagement, for example. Yet, what about when you’re well into your marriage and you realize that both of you need some support?
Unfortunately, many couples delay seeking out counseling. That can have big ramifications for couples who struggle with serious issues. These include communicating effectively and being on the same page when it comes to goals and values.
Timing is also important when it comes to marriage counseling. And here’s why.
These Problems Have Been Around A While
First, it’s important to consider this. Problems or difficulties in a marriage don’t occur overnight. In fact, the reality is that these issues have been developing for a long time. In some cases years.
But why is that? You would think that reasonable people would be able to identify a problem quickly and seek out help. For many couples, this just isn’t the case at all. It’s often easier to dismiss or ignore the problem than address it head-on. We do this in all manner of circumstances. So why should relationships be any different?
Note this doesn’t imply that you are somehow “bad” or malicious. Rather, you are simply human.
When You Wait Too Long
If you wait too long for couples counseling, there is less of a chance for your relationship to recover. And there’s a reason for this. It’s because all of the resentment, frustration, and other negative feelings that you each hold against one another gets you to the breaking point.
There doesn’t have to be a single event that blows up the relationship (though that happens at times). Instead, imagine if your relationship would be a plant that hasn’t been nourished or watered correctly. Over time the plant withers and eventually reaches a point where it cannot be saved. It doesn't all happen at once, it happens over the course of years.
These examples may sound morbid, but hopefully, it brings home the point that timing is so important. If you wait too long, the likelihood of successfully saving the relationship is slim.
How to Know When to Seek Counseling
When you know in your heart that something is wrong with your relationship, that’s the time to seek professional support from a counselor. Keep in mind we're not talking about you having a flash of inspiration. Rather, it’s when you first begin to notice a gut feeling that something is off.
Maybe it’s the way your interaction has changed. Or you realize that your arguments are getting more frequent and intense. Everyone has that inner compass that lets you know when something is wrong.
However, oftentimes people ignore their gut feelings and charge ahead anyway. The results can be disastrous for relationships.
What to Do About Your Relationship
It’s hard to admit that your relationship is struggling and that you need help. But if you believe that your relationship has reached a point that you need support, ask for it.
Couples counseling can be so useful, especially when utilized early on before things get out of hand. Even if these issues have been around for a while, it’s still worth giving therapy a shot. Counseling will help you both to identify what’s really going on under the surface. It’s a place to heal from the resentment and bitterness, as well as find a path forward together.
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As mentioned above, timing is everything, including when it comes to relationship conflict. Too many couples find their relationship is over before they even attempt to walk through a counselor’s door. So it's important that you're able to recognize something is off and ask for help.
Please feel free to contact me and find out how marriage counseling can work for you.