This year the holidays have not just one but multiple added layers of stress. There are, of course, the typical sources of stress that go along with the holidays every year.
But this year is different with COVID-19.
Now the themes of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and anxiety have a new theme to wrap themselves around. That’s a problem. If left unchecked, these issues will breed resentment in your relationship.
And resentment is toxic.
So, what can couples do to avoid this perfect storm of holiday stress from occurring? Here are five ways to make sure holiday stress doesn’t create resentment this year.
1. Be Honest with Each Other, and the Situation
Honesty is an important component of any relationship. Yet with the pandemic, you need to ensure that you are being honest with one another. “But of course I tell the truth!” you might think. However, have you ever just gone along with your partner’s wishes, just that they would be happy?
Everyone does this. It’s sacrificing your needs or wants because you believe that will be best for everyone. But with the pandemic, that can only breed resentment towards your partner. For instance, they tell you they want a relative to come over. You say yes, but really you are fearful of spreading the virus.
Repressing your feelings just to please your partner doesn’t help the relationship at all.
2. Keep Things Realistic This Year
In the past, you were the couple that had a blow-out holiday extravaganza. For instance, a big holiday party with lots of food, decorations, guests, etc. Now though, a big get-together might not be the best idea.
In turn, that requires scaling down some of your plans. That’s okay! So it’s just going to be the two of you for the holidays. Maybe dinner will be smaller, but you can still do plenty of decorating!
Why not up your holiday card game instead? Look at this situation as a chance for new opportunities, rather than restrictions.
3. Talk to Each Other
Communication is always important. Even without the pandemic, it’s still crucial for avoiding resentment. Check-in with each other frequently. For instance:
Staying in agreement about holiday plans.
Expressing feelings if you are worried, sad, etc.
Talking about what matters most-each other!
To communicate effectively, reserve a time to chat with each other. This could be on a morning walk together, or in the evening at dinner. Incorporate these check-in times into your daily routine. The more you make a habit out of it, the more insulated you both will be from resentment.
4. Coping with Family Stress Together
Outside family stress always is an issue during the holidays. Maybe your in-laws have always been a little overbearing. Or your brother can be a real jerk sometimes. But now families and partners are experiencing family stress in a whole new way.
For instance, extended family members insist that you come to see them. This, even though you are concerned about the risk, both to them and you. This can cause both of you to become resentful. What’s the best way to handle this situation?
Agree with how to address the issue with family.
Stay diplomatic, but be firm with your decision.
Keep talking with each other about how you feel.
Maintain a positive attitude with your family.
Understand that you can’t control other people, especially with how they respond to the stress of the pandemic.
5. Marriage Counseling
Still struggling with holiday stress? Do you feel the resentment building? Then now is the time to seek marriage counseling. One of the big mistakes couples make is to hold back on therapy, even when resentment has been building for a long time. The longer you wait, the more difficult it is to repair the damage.
These are issues that you can’t just work out on your own. There are just too many traps and dead-ends. Instead, get professional help.
This year many couples will encounter holiday stress in ways they never considered before. To avoid resentment, talk to one another, be aware of what you can control, stay realistic, and communicate. However, don’t hesitate to ask for help from a marriage counselor too. Contact me today for a free consultation.